Sly cooper in: Teaching a master thief
by SomecallmeMichelle
Summary: So you want to be a master thief huh? Let me, Sly cooper show you just what NOT to do, with my latest sitch.


So you want to be a master thief huh? Well my friends, the life of a master thief is not easy, but, ah what the heck, this could become sort of fun. I've just returned from a sting where I made several mistakes, amateur as they might have been. Those are rookie mistakes, but maybe we could all learn from it.

Let's go back to the last sting.

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"There's just no time! You got to give it up!"

We've all been there, well at least those of us who share my...let's call them intentions have. We have a goal, our target that we undoubtedly want to...capture so to say, and we have the object in your possession. Only to be noticed by the good looking foxy love of yours. And I do mean foxy, because...hum, just look at her.

She's a fox, if that's not obvious enough. And that makes or break my joke. It's the whole punchline. She follows me and my gang vowing to capture us no matter what. At this point this has become old news, she says so every single time I commit a misdemeanor and she never does. Though sometimes she gets to hit me with electricity, making my whole spine tingle...well tingle more than when she's near me; since it tingles a whole lot there just from her proximity.

Ok so this thievius smooth racoon has a thing for the Interpol agent who follows him anywhere. It's something definitively but it isn't something that I'm ashamed of, after all Inspector Fox (ha! What a creative name there) is the best at her job, though she never ever seems to get to me. Tough luck, I'm a hard one to catch, I say it must be awful to be assigned to someone so charmingly and sickening beautiful, at the same time that I am so slippery, just so much so that she just can't hold me.

I dodge her shots by climbing up the stairways, windowsills and rooftops of the city that I'm on top of. The city really is different as seen from above, not that many people would know it, after all, not everyone can have the agility of the Cooper family. Hey thousands of years of thieving have got to mean something, right?

As one shot misses me by the hairs of my tail, which I have do to being a racoon, who normally possess such a feature, I glance at her. She's following me closely from below, her hair waving behind her. For all that is holy, she looks amazing. But as one thief says to another, better not stop in the middle of a chase like I just did...I barely have time to mutter an utterance of "oops" before being hit. I barely, and I do mean barely avoid falling, It's a case of the wobbly arms and the trying desperately to get my balance back. That regained I decide that maybe observing her is something I should do from afar.

Are people taking notes? Because maybe this is something that you should note, if you want to be a master thief, do not stop to gawk at the hot foxy lady who chases you. Even I make mistakes sometimes. see?

Precious object still in my hands, her following closely I run, I run and I dodge. Carmelita and her escalations, she really should let bygones be bygones, what's the deal with stealing one object or another? But ah well, I know very well that I enjoy the chase, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she does as well. I hold that smirk that annoys her so much, not that she can see it from her position down there.

"Sly, Sly, you got to give it up! She'll catch you if you don't"

That nasally voice that's ringing clear as day in my ear belongs to one of my best friends. - and smartest turtle or person I know. - Bentley. He's a total brain, the brains of the group but he really does worry too much. It's pretty obvious that I'm not going to get caught, I've never been before and…

Oh, this is a problem. It seems that the buildings ended up and I have nowhere to run. Really with the way this old european cities are built you'd think that they'd be a whole mess of tall buildings you can climb and jump and roll of. But no, apparently, apparently they felt the need to break it up. I blame the architects of years past.

"You have nowhere to run, Cooper" - That is not true, I can always turn back, but I do not think Carmelita would appreciate that a lot, all this back and forth, all this pointless running away. Why? We all know that I'm going to end up escaping.

Speaking of which, a thief should never leave his hideout unprepared, that's thing number two that every thief should know, never leave unprepared. Case in hand, besides my family heirloom of the cane. An obligatory item not just for the style and substance it brings but also it's very useful features. - But also my paraglider, which I engraved with my logotype. Hey what's the use of escaping if you can't make sure everyone knows who you are.

So I pick up the paraglider and I jump. It's not a jump from a very high altitude so I can't seem to get much distance and the park up ahead - which shines with the green foliage and grass - is full of branches and twigs that are ready to rip my fur and skin apart. But it's that or a nice sting in jail. Making sure to secure the precious object, that is oh so fragile, in my shirt, I jump.

The thing about paragliders? They're pretty slow and they leave you open to attack, and all it would take would be one shot of that electric gun of hers to make me fall; breaking the object and leaving me ready to get put on shackles.

Fortunately for me Carmelita misses all her shots, maybe it's the darkness, it is night after all, or maybe she just has a thing for me. - Keep dreaming Sly. - But none of her shots hit. I try to steer away, lightly as I can by tugging at one side or the other. Not to brag, really but I am quite a professional at this. After some incidents some time back.

I tried steering yes, but It wasn't really enough to avoid the twigs. True I was mainly looking at Carmelita and her shots that lightened up the sky with a white color as they zipped past me. But I should have seen where the heck I was going. I groaned as I hit the twigs and I had to totally flounder around just to avoid getting ripped to shreds. Despite a few cuts I was mostly ok. But that's thing number three to remember. Always watch where you're going. After all what use is to have loot if then you fall in a hole and get stuck there? That was grim, but it's probably true.

I hide in the darkness, paraglider getting itself back into it's slot, It's probably ripped but that's okay...Murray, the raging pink hippo that I so much adore, and the brawn and muscle of the team knows how to knit, he'll fix it. This particular glider has seen many a wear and tear, and it is full of patches.

Carmelita is close...so close I have to hold my breath to avoid her noticing me. This park is home to several homeless people and people having a little bit of "fun" in the dark of the night, but just how many of those hide in the darkness? I quickly check to see if the object is ok. It is drenched in my sweat, yes, and it's smell is off putting...but is it really any worse than the smell of museum and its sterile environment? Why yes. Yes it is. But a positive attitude helps wonders in life.

She keeps looking, her eyes sweeping left and right into the darkness. I recede further into the trees lest she see me. A good thief knows how to blend in with the shadows. It may be tough as one begins, but it has uncountable advantages. I duck. Stepping back careful not to step on any little things that may catch her attention. Things like twigs!

Her eyes, like a predator's suddenly shift forward, and I have perfect notion that she sees me, even if I am hidden by the shadows. The shadows that are a thief's best friend suddenly ail me as I almost trip on myself.

Even the best thieves have bad days and this one is mine. So, if you want to know my best tip for when nothing suddenly happens right. This is it. RUN. Hopefully you have the headquarters nearby, because if not, you're in for some bad sweat. Luckily, my headquarters were just past the point I was in. I manage to dodge some shots and I quickly hid inside.

"You should have dropped the amulet, Sly."

That's Bentley again, though I made sure that Carmelita didn't see just what building I got in, I know she's still nearby.

So, everyone on board? Here are the four things you need to know, first don't stop and stare, secondly do not leave your hideout unprepared. Third? Always make sure to look ahead, and not backwards. And lastly? If everything goes wrong? Just, for all that is holy...RUN!

Lastly you can get good prices for the things you steal on thiefnet. The currency is gold goins, those are very valuable. Good luck and try not to do the same mistakes I did!

 **Sly**

 **Author's Note: This is based on an absolutely crappy run I had in Sly 3. in which I paraglided right into things, and failed to hide.** **Well, opinions please? Thanks**


End file.
